Being An Introvert.. (I am)

Photo Not Mine ;)

Being an Introvert..

I don’t have any idea about being an Introvert. I don’t exactly know the meaning of it, not until ...somebody just told me I am.

I googled it. I found out that I am an Introvert. It’s not because that I love being alone or I preferred to be on my own but .. Ganun talaga ako kahit nung bata ako. Di ako nakikipag laro, unless may mang iinvyt or someone to convinced me to play pero madali ako mabored. Madali ako sumuko sa isang laro o bagay na nauumpisahan ko. I'm a kind of person na mahiyain pagdating sa activities lalo na sa schools. Kahit alam ko kung paano gawin ang isang bagay o gampanan ang mga roles sa mga activities. Mabilis ako matuto at minsan kapag may tinatanong ang mga teachers at walang nakakasagot, I only whispered the answer to myself.

Hindi naman ako matalino. Never kong ikinatuwa na maraming nagsasabing matalino ako, but the truth is di ko nararamdamang ganun ako. i only used Logic. Yung bang nilalagay ko ang sarili ko sa mga bagay na kung ano man ang kahihinatnan ng isang pangyayari.

just for example na lang pag may mga problemang dumarating sa buhay ko. I just kept it to myself. Ayokong may nakaka alam sa mga pinag dadaanan ko. Lalo na kung tungkol sa LOVE.

Minsan sa buhay ko nagkaroon din ako ng pag ibig. yung pers taym na mainlove. Di ko ma express o masabing Love na talaga yung feelings ko at that time. Di makakain ng tama dahil lagi mo iniisip yung taong nagugustuhan mo. Lalo na pag malapit kayo sa isat isa.

FRIENDSHIP and LOVE (The Past Behind)

Hi buddy, its been a long time din nang huli kang mapadpad dito. Dati rati lahat ng hinanakit at emosyon mo, lagi mong sinasabi dito mismo (pero huling blog post  mo, dinelete mo para di mo maalala ang lahat, ang totoo lagi mo iniisip ang mga yun!). Pero ayos lang. Ano ba ang meron sa atin ngayon?. . teka, kamusta ka nga pala? Di ka mapapadpad dito kung di ka maayos. Chill lang sabi ni tawaw.  Ilabas mo lang until you can breathe.

Phot not mine. ;)

“Taking on SEVEN years

the holy ghost had left alone

Test my arms, kick like crazy

I've been trying way too long

only push the way off to fight you

Now I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm not sure

Getting off my chest

the story ends…” –SAOSIN

Yan ang sabi sa kanta na dati mong pinakinggan na paulit ulit ulit sa tenga mo. Di mo ata akalain na 7 years na pala ang lumipas at eto ka, hanggang ngayon, nandyan pa rin ang kantang yan na laging tumatatak sa utak mo na meron kang UNFINISHED business (tama ba ang term?) sa nakaraan mo. (Well, hindi lang naman yan ang mga kanta na tumatak during those times.)

Ganito yun, speaking of the past, naaalala mo na naman sya recently. This past few days, lagi ka nalang nangangamba sa mga pupwedeng mangyari hindi lang sa present day mo kundi pati sa future mo. At dahil 7 years ago, nang huli mo syang makita at makausap. Music, Novels, Movies, Social Networking, at kung anu-anu pa ang inatupag mo, makalimutan mo lang sya. But the TRUTH is, NEVER mo syang nakalimutan.

OO NA! NEVER ko syang nakalimutan.

At alam kong di ko sya makakalimutan. -_-

Ang totoo, Always! nasa utak ko sya.

Anung meron sa kanya?... No. Anung meron kami noon.

Now I will tell you. EVERYTHING. Dahil bago pa sumabog ang puso ko sa mga naiisip ko. Gusto ko ilahad lahat lahat lahat!

mY wEAKNESS, mY STRENGth.

Photo NOT mine :)

In life, that i live. I grew up with fear of losing someone, that's my weakness which I considered in my whole life. I think i was gone crazy when seeing someone was lost in front of my eyes. i experienced it when i lost the man who raised me since i was born in this world, my granduncle, yes, i live with my beloving parents but my granduncle was the one who took care me and trained me in terms of religions and way of life. My "Amatuwa" (Grandfather in English), though he was just my mom's uncle, He looked for my mother as his own daughter since my mom was only 4yrs old when her mom (Amatuwa's sister) died. since then, my Amatuwa never leave once from my mom's side. until my mom got married my dad, having her own family, My amatuwa stayed and took care of us as his own grandchildren. God blessed my mom and dad a five children. I was the only one from the family who always looking for amatuwa all the time, well, it's because i was never asleep when he never took me to the "DUYAN" and sing for me his own lullaby. in our place, he was a famous "BLIND MAN", yes he was blind, He cannot see everything. But my amatuwa has a knowledge of everything, He taught me everything in this world. he always telling me stories as if i was watching a movie or series because when he started to tell stories, i kept on imagining what he has to tell because it was so good to hear about it,. the story of our ascendants, the story of the prophets, God vs. Satan, everything under the sun, you gotta asked him about anything and you will get an answer all the while. Well i don't know where he got that knowledge, but for me, He was the Homer of the family. he also talked about his love life, when he was just a teenager and still see the world, he never refuses to tell it. He was happy for the woman he loves, he just told the woman not to see him again for she was just wasting her time seeing a blindman like him, and he told her that she can find someone else better than him, can see her and even love her for the rest of his life. That was a very sad love story i had ever heard in my entire life. Though he was blind, he was happy with us, he told me to share evrything i knew in this world, the history, and if ever someone will asked about which love story i can share with, i will proposely and willing to tell everything about my amatuwa and his girlfriend. that woman never dissappear when amatuwa told her, but then they were remain friends, but the worst thing is, the woman stayed single as for this day though my amatuwa told her to get married, she never did it. well my amatuwa was a soldier from world war II in the philippines, but sad to say he never gets his benefits until the day he died in my arms. I hate this government. The veterans like my amatuwa do not deserved being abandon by the country they used to protect from the enemies. i really don't like the policy and the governance of this country. my amatuwas name was on the list of the veterans, but how come his name dissappeared when obama administration gave the veterans benefits? how was that?? my heartbreaks when my amatuwas get sick ans sick until we reside in davao. we expected for his benefits over and over again but sad part, he never got anything. until he died, he was happy,. he smiled at me like i will never seen smile like that again. he just told me, he cannot bring those money or anything in this world to his destiny. he cannot bring anything in his grave. his last words, "THERE IS ONLY ONE GOD, AND MUHAMMAD IS HIS LAST MESSENGER". and the wind blows in my face, i lost him. I was crying all day and all night. I missed him so bad. when time comes, in God's will i will share everyhting my amatuwa's told me. but for now, i just want to share what i felt for this day. everytime i think about him, I really get weak, but when i remember all his teachings i feel he was my strenght that he always telling me "MOVE FORWARD". losing that man in my life was the beginning of my fear of someone. and i don't want to let it happen again. I will do anything and everything to give my love and treasure very moment of our life to my parents. you cannot choose your parents. God choses parents for us. I have to love them not because they are my parents, but they are my weakness and my strenght. I love my family. people can come and go from you. but family stays for you forever in heart and mind. i do not know what i am gonna do without them. My amatuwa always telling me to love my parents, to protect them, even when they say it's good or it's bad for you just love them. Even i was not a favorite kid in the family, i always tell my self to love my family the way God loves us. sometimes i had hated my dad, and my brothers for let that happen when we lost amatuwa. i blamed them. but i realized, God has purpose for let it happen. That was the very weakest part of my entire life. But the words of my amatuwa came into my mind, "YOUR PARENTS ARE ALWAYS THERE, YOU LOOK FOR THEM, LOVE THEM." i knew it was that happen for a reason. but irealized though, somebody outthere are crying for losing there parents, but me, i have my parents so why am i crying like i lost them?, it's because, my amatuwa was the one who took care of me like his own child. He was my mom and he was my dad, when my dad and mom doesn't look for me. I was jealous of my siblings, but my amatuwa treated me like he's favorite kid. i love my parents though, i love them and i don't want to lose them like i felt for amatuwa. they are my strenght. and i pray to God that He will blessed my parents for their goodhealth. i will do anything for them. May God bless my family. i couldn't talk to my amatuwa coz he's already dead. but i know God is watching and knows everything that anyone cannot. this blog helps me a alot to feel free whenever i don't talk to anyone. i hope readers will get some thing good from my blog.