 |
| Photo Not Mine ;) |
Being an Introvert..
I don’t have any idea about being
an Introvert. I don’t exactly know the meaning of it, not until ...somebody
just told me I am.
I googled it. I found out that I
am an Introvert. It’s not because that I love being alone or I preferred to be
on my own but .. Ganun talaga ako kahit nung bata ako. Di ako nakikipag laro,
unless may mang iinvyt or someone to convinced me to play pero madali ako
mabored. Madali ako sumuko sa isang laro o bagay na nauumpisahan ko. I'm a kind
of person na mahiyain pagdating sa activities lalo na sa schools. Kahit alam ko
kung paano gawin ang isang bagay o gampanan ang mga roles sa mga activities.
Mabilis ako matuto at minsan kapag may tinatanong ang mga teachers at walang
nakakasagot, I only whispered the answer to myself.
Hindi naman ako matalino. Never
kong ikinatuwa na maraming nagsasabing matalino ako, but the truth is di ko
nararamdamang ganun ako. i only used Logic. Yung bang nilalagay ko ang sarili
ko sa mga bagay na kung ano man ang kahihinatnan ng isang pangyayari.
just for example na lang pag may
mga problemang dumarating sa buhay ko. I just kept it to myself. Ayokong may
nakaka alam sa mga pinag dadaanan ko. Lalo na kung tungkol sa LOVE.
Minsan sa buhay ko nagkaroon din
ako ng pag ibig. yung pers taym na mainlove. Di ko ma express o masabing Love
na talaga yung feelings ko at that time. Di makakain ng tama dahil lagi mo
iniisip yung taong nagugustuhan mo. Lalo na pag malapit kayo sa isat isa.
The first time I experienced na
nagkagusto ako was way back in elementary. The worst or maybe unusual thing siguro was attracting to a girl. Yes. I was confused. I didn't ask anybody or myself kung ano man yung
mga nangyayari sa akin its because I was still a kid. I enjoyed being myself. I
thought it was just a normal thing. There was this girl named Ronalyn (My first
ever...crush or maybe puppy love). She was my classmate during grade 2. Ang aga
ko nagkacrush. I really remembered it probably because She was a part of my
childhood life. She was so sweet and kind. She even hugged me everytime I go to
the classroom. Sabay kami magrecess. 2 pesos pa ata ang baon ko that time. We
were close friends. Pinapasali nya ako sa laro kahit na di ako nakikihalubilo
sa iba. fast forward. i was sad na hindi kami naging classmates sa Grade 3
level. but.. Our frienship grows. Minsan pinupuntahan ako sa Section B (2nd
Section ako napunta) para sabihing sabay kami mag recess. I dont exactly what
to feel or how would i explain that kasi now ko lang na realized na sa murang
edad ko at those times may mga ganung situations agad na syempre para sa akin
thats sooooo Sweeetness haha. Ngayon ko lang kasi parang naramdaman o naalala
mga bagay na di ko pinansin kasi nga bata ako that time. Pero naisip ko din
naman itanong sa sarili ko bakit naiiba ako. Bakit ganito.. is this normal or
what.. something na hindi ko naitanong sa iba kasi wala ako makausap. Ang
mahirap din.. wala akong inaamin kahit ano everytime they would ask me about my
gender or preference something. It is just being myself. if you like it then
accept it. If you don't then I would never mind it.
As the time goes by, marami na
rin nakakapansin lalo na sa family that I am different. I am not what they want
me to be. Hindi ko masabi sa kanila directly kung ano ako o ano gusto ko.
Because I just kept it. I don't want them to worry about me. Ayokong mag expect
sila.
Being an introvert is not easy.
ayokong baguhin kung ano ako dahil ganun talaga ako. Whether its normal for
anyone else or not , I know it wouldn't matter. Kasi I believe if someone loves
me or likes me, she or he wouldn't mind who ar what i am as long as they won't
give me up. I know its unfair for a friend na they will be the one to adjust
for me. Its not easy for me to see them hating me or getting them pissed off of
me. I am not anti-social.. its just i preferred being happy inside than seeing
them happy but struggling inside. its complicated. All I need is someone who
can stay no matter how hard it is to be with me. Selosa ako. pag tahimik ako,
dalawa lang yun, i always felt jealous whenever someone gives the kind of
attention (that i want from) to anyone else. secondly, I want to avoid or make
myself to stay away from people na alam kong na aattached na ako. Its hard
because the more i attached to someone else, the more my feelings getting
invests to that person and I hate to hate it. lalo na kung ginagawa akong
options for them. Ako na mismo nag uumpisang umiwas just to stop those feelings
i have for them because I am falling soooo fast and I hate myself for that
dahil mabilis ako mahulog. When they asked me about whats wrong with me, I just
shut up and move forward. Thats life. Its annoying i know. Just hit me if you
ever that person. seriously, its not easy being me. though at times I love
myself. Sometimes I hate being me.
Bipolar? No. It's not in a mood.
But its my identity.
I don't like talking (In person)
unless i have something to say or Interesado ako sa topic. well... I love
talking about Anime's, Sci Fi.. and adventures mga tipong gusto kong pag usapan. Mahirap ako kaibiganin talaga.
sorry to those people na iniwasan ko for no reason. its just we didn't Click
the same point. But to those I avoided for some reasons na because I kinda look
for you everytime na iniiwan nyo ako sa ere.. its alright. maybe there are
people na pwede ko pa rin bigyan ng chance to prove they are worth my respect
and trust. But hey, sometimes its not
like trust or respect issues.. I just want them to be honest with me though
sometimes i wasn't that honest for them.
I always love to think about a
lot of things. minsan mahilig ako mag daydream. i am optimistic inside.. may
mga pangyayaring gusto ko mangyari sa isip ko lang. because I know for a reason
that in reality I can't even do that... like Loving someone else who doesn't
love you back.. mga ganun. lol
Mga bagay na hindi ko masabi sa
mga taong gusto ko kausap, dito ko nasasabi. I love writing. I love to think
these words are written every night. Every thoughts. Marami akong gusto
sabihin. I just don't have someone to talk with or to talk to. Hindi ko lang
masabi lahat because i know for a fact that it will never undo anything.
Lastly, i know its kinda "Selfish"to
know this. But I cant undo all this things because... this is who I am. I am
weird i know. A lot of my friends know that.... I am Introvert.
No comments:
Post a Comment