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| Photo NOT mine :) |
In life, that i live. I grew up with fear of losing someone, that's my weakness which I considered in my whole life. I think i was gone crazy when seeing someone was lost in front of my eyes. i experienced it when i lost the man who raised me since i was born in this world, my granduncle, yes, i live with my beloving parents but my granduncle was the one who took care me and trained me in terms of religions and way of life. My "Amatuwa" (Grandfather in English), though he was just my mom's uncle, He looked for my mother as his own daughter since my mom was only 4yrs old when her mom (Amatuwa's sister) died. since then, my Amatuwa never leave once from my mom's side. until my mom got married my dad, having her own family, My amatuwa stayed and took care of us as his own grandchildren. God blessed my mom and dad a five children. I was the only one from the family who always looking for amatuwa all the time, well, it's because i was never asleep when he never took me to the "DUYAN" and sing for me his own lullaby. in our place, he was a famous "BLIND MAN", yes he was blind, He cannot see everything. But my amatuwa has a knowledge of everything, He taught me everything in this world. he always telling me stories as if i was watching a movie or series because when he started to tell stories, i kept on imagining what he has to tell because it was so good to hear about it,. the story of our ascendants, the story of the prophets, God vs. Satan, everything under the sun, you gotta asked him about anything and you will get an answer all the while. Well i don't know where he got that knowledge, but for me, He was the Homer of the family. he also talked about his love life, when he was just a teenager and still see the world, he never refuses to tell it. He was happy for the woman he loves, he just told the woman not to see him again for she was just wasting her time seeing a blindman like him, and he told her that she can find someone else better than him, can see her and even love her for the rest of his life. That was a very sad love story i had ever heard in my entire life. Though he was blind, he was happy with us, he told me to share evrything i knew in this world, the history, and if ever someone will asked about which love story i can share with, i will proposely and willing to tell everything about my amatuwa and his girlfriend. that woman never dissappear when amatuwa told her, but then they were remain friends, but the worst thing is, the woman stayed single as for this day though my amatuwa told her to get married, she never did it. well my amatuwa was a soldier from world war II in the philippines, but sad to say he never gets his benefits until the day he died in my arms. I hate this government. The veterans like my amatuwa do not deserved being abandon by the country they used to protect from the enemies. i really don't like the policy and the governance of this country. my amatuwas name was on the list of the veterans, but how come his name dissappeared when obama administration gave the veterans benefits? how was that?? my heartbreaks when my amatuwas get sick ans sick until we reside in davao. we expected for his benefits over and over again but sad part, he never got anything. until he died, he was happy,. he smiled at me like i will never seen smile like that again. he just told me, he cannot bring those money or anything in this world to his destiny. he cannot bring anything in his grave. his last words, "THERE IS ONLY ONE GOD, AND MUHAMMAD IS HIS LAST MESSENGER". and the wind blows in my face, i lost him. I was crying all day and all night. I missed him so bad. when time comes, in God's will i will share everyhting my amatuwa's told me. but for now, i just want to share what i felt for this day. everytime i think about him, I really get weak, but when i remember all his teachings i feel he was my strenght that he always telling me "MOVE FORWARD". losing that man in my life was the beginning of my fear of someone. and i don't want to let it happen again. I will do anything and everything to give my love and treasure very moment of our life to my parents. you cannot choose your parents. God choses parents for us. I have to love them not because they are my parents, but they are my weakness and my strenght. I love my family. people can come and go from you. but family stays for you forever in heart and mind. i do not know what i am gonna do without them. My amatuwa always telling me to love my parents, to protect them, even when they say it's good or it's bad for you just love them. Even i was not a favorite kid in the family, i always tell my self to love my family the way God loves us. sometimes i had hated my dad, and my brothers for let that happen when we lost amatuwa. i blamed them. but i realized, God has purpose for let it happen. That was the very weakest part of my entire life. But the words of my amatuwa came into my mind, "YOUR PARENTS ARE ALWAYS THERE, YOU LOOK FOR THEM, LOVE THEM." i knew it was that happen for a reason. but irealized though, somebody outthere are crying for losing there parents, but me, i have my parents so why am i crying like i lost them?, it's because, my amatuwa was the one who took care of me like his own child. He was my mom and he was my dad, when my dad and mom doesn't look for me. I was jealous of my siblings, but my amatuwa treated me like he's favorite kid. i love my parents though, i love them and i don't want to lose them like i felt for amatuwa. they are my strenght. and i pray to God that He will blessed my parents for their goodhealth. i will do anything for them. May God bless my family. i couldn't talk to my amatuwa coz he's already dead. but i know God is watching and knows everything that anyone cannot. this blog helps me a alot to feel free whenever i don't talk to anyone. i hope readers will get some thing good from my blog.
